I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
