She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
