i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
