I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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