dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
