there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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