It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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