I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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