My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
