She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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