what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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