i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize