dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
