Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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