please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
