I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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