I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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