Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
