there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
