1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
