Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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