are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
