You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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