What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
