I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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