This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
