Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to make out with him forever
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
