the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
