Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
