Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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