Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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