i wish my penis had a tongue
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
