Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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