I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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