its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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