The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
