Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
