Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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