Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
