My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
