I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
