Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
