I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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