You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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