i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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