Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
