Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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