the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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