; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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