hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
