Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
