Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
