I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
