remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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