doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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