The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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