I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
