but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
