when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
