Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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