This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
