Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
