Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
