it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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