Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
