Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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